Freedom from Victimization

Socially today, I see a deep victimization. The whole country, the entire world is in a victim state. We’ve been scared and angered by COVID-19, and it’s keeping us in a negative state of victim consciousness. 


People want to share a story, thinking it will bring them that relief. It may feel good to say, “poor me,” and cite the pandemic as the reason for your suffering, but you’re actually giving up your freedom due to subconscious fears. 


Telling yourself a story of victimization will literally reprogram your body to identify with that story. It’s the story you know, your identity, your trauma. It’s familiar, and may start to feel comforting. So you need to be careful, because you could be telling that story the rest of your life. 


To keep myself out of the shadow of victimization I use a few concepts as tools: revolution from within, detachment from desire, and discernment. I wanted to share them with you because together, we can transcend victimization.


Make your story one of freedom from victimization.

To have control over negative experiences, you have to identify your role in them. It’s not frequent that I see victims taking ownership of their part. It happens to us all, including me. 


Like most people, I’ve had a long-held story about why I am the way I am. The story shaped my personality, how I saw my family, and the world as a whole. I limited myself to that story, to that reality.

It gave me confidence and certainty in my identity, for sure, but at a certain point I could see the walls, the boundaries of my life shrinking. 


That’s the scariest place to be. Even if you’ve done the work, and you can share the story without emotional reaction, you may still be limiting yourself. 


As 2020 has ended, and we’ve entered 2021, I challenge all of us to stop thinking negatively, and acting as if we don’t have control over our lives. Living that way is a choice. It’s time to get out of victim consciousness. 


Yes, it’s scary. Letting go leaves a huge hole. What do you fill that up with? 


You have to practice consciously letting go, because empty space can welcome additional trauma or more victimization in a separate form. Step into your freedom being confident. Have no fear. Have only openness and curiosity of what’s to come. It might be scary, but it will be beneficial.  


Practice detachment from desire.

Practicing detachment from desire allows for a greater desire to come in that will serve us tenfold. Just pausing and practicing the pause is beneficial. Take time to listen to yourself, turn inward, and not react. That’s a quiet strength. 


The lesson here is that just because you want something, doesn’t mean it is right for you. You must have insight into the potential side effects of attaining what you desire, without having to actually go through those side effects. Thinking this way is a high form of consciousness. 


When we hear the word desire, we tend to first think about sexual desire. However, we need to think way outside of that. Desire starts literally in our DNA. Every cell we have is completely driven by desire -- to survive, to live. This is the undercurrent between all of us. Good and bad, any living organism. Yes, humans are driven by desire, but also pathogens, bacteria, and viruses. Our desire goes into them. 


We often experience desire for: 

  • Career success -- Career pressure is such an easy way for young people to see mental illness creep in. We covet certain job titles, but these may be empty promises, bringing no lasting fulfillment. 
  • Material wealth -- We all want comfort and luxury in certain areas. 
  • Relationships - We may desire a partner who hasn’t actually done the work to be a safe partner for us. 
  • Food -- Biologically, we all have a deep desire for nutrition, for nutrients. Unfortunately, sometimes we may think our food is from a safe source, but it’s not. Food can either heal us or cause disease. 


It’s important to note that desire is not always something that keeps us safe. It keeps us moving and alive, it’s our motor, but it’s not always steering us in the right direction. Desire gives us the opportunity to make mistakes, to learn, and to evolve. This is literally part of evolution. Desire can lead us into decisions that will get us killed. Our ancestors who saw a tree on a cliff might go for the food, but it could lead them to fall and die. 


Our bodies, even though so good at protecting us, are not the smartest tools for guiding us through the fields of desire. Desire is reinforced by hormones, dopamine or serotonin hits. These are our bodies’ natural drugs, but they aren’t always good for us. 


Today, we can see desire as an opportunity to form conscious attachment — attaining perspective rather than reactivity of desire. It’s a tough lesson to learn that just because you desire something doesn’t mean it is good for you. You may feel an emotion or have a reaction, but you don’t need to become attached to it. Identifying and sitting with a desire means that you don’t have to act on it. 


The challenge lies in identifying desires that are whole and authentic.  We need foresight to see where desire can go astray, and to make better choices. Let’s really think about those things before we set out on specific paths to manifest or accomplish our every desire. 


Build the muscle of discernment.

Discernment is a muscle to start building when you find you’re living in a state of reactivity. Start by noticing the information that’s getting shown to you.  If we’re better able to discern with our minds, hearts and bodies, we’ll actually be able to discern what information is accurate to us.


It’s about listening. Hearing is really different from listening. Hearing is more of an anatomical response, versus listening. It takes your whole person -- mind, body, and soul -- to really listen to someone. 


Do the work, internally, to identify how you truly feel about something. Take the time to consciously turn inward and practice discernment. 

It’s a gift to be able to sit and reflect on what’s working and what’s not. Take time to slow down, become introspective and listen to your own person. When you do, you’ll be better able to truly listen to others.


Recognize when it is time to pause, with no expectations or pressure regarding work or family. Honor this time. Doing the work of discernment requires us to be still.


Listen to yourself and to others. If you can’t listen to yourself, you won’t be able to listen to someone else. 


Seek revolution from within.

What comes after listening can often be a reaction. Yet when you feel isolated, you can become very reactive, letting your emotions really take over. That’s where we get risky behavior happening -- when we’re not really listening to each other or to the information that’s being shared.


We’re often coached to “count to ten” or “take 3 breaths” for a reason. Our contemplated responses provide a different reaction than the first piece of emotion that comes to mind.


Evolution begins inside of us first. Turn inward and really see the change begin within. Then we can address our families, then friends, and the community.


Reaction isn’t always bad. It can keep us safe and help us identify predators. That’s the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) operating in reaction, and there are some gifts to that. However, we need to just let parts of our body do that work and not bring it into our heart and soul.

Provide yourself nutrition for mind, body and spirit.

Ultimately, I’m talking about an integrated system of mind, body, and spirit. It’s just necessary. Reaction and evolution. When we’re paying attention, we can see our bodies adapting. We’re pushing out elements of reactivity that we’re not needing anymore. This is true evolution. We’re called to a higher level of being, not back to our animal instinct. We can beat this reactive phase out of the human species over time.


Turning inward is not just mental, but physical. Correct nutrients aid and support your body as you are navigating emotion or disruptive thoughts or fear. To deflect a little bit more, Encarna and Kasvi provide huge support for this time. It’s a great time to do a seasonal cleanse, a liver detox for spring. 


Releasing a story is like a detox. Whenever you don’t have something there to take away bad particles, the not needed toxins. They just stay in your body. It’s important to have something to bind and remove these. I use Kasvi as a binding agent for toxins, and adaptogens for further support. 


You have to have your body on board to support you as you navigate heavy mental and emotional states. Once the toxins are eliminated, we can fill in the gaps with wholeness. Encarna is made of whole food to combat MTHFR side effects. It affects the entire methylation cycle. Even if a depression comes from trauma or community issues, ultimately your body is affected, too — you have to detach, regulate, and look inward. This approach of addressing body, mind, and spirit together has been a huge success for me. 


People often don’t think about supporting their bodies in the face of trauma, but it’s actually the most important thing. So take time for a liver detox, for good nutrition, and learn to stay in your body and ground yourself through  movement. It doesn’t have to be strenuous… just going on a walk outside without headphones can help. Try smiling at someone walking by. It’s amazing what that can do to put things in perspective. 


Keep these practices alive.

Still, there are days where you might slide back into old patterns, old stories of victimhood. I’ve seen it recently as I meet new people and share information about myself, the story may be distilled into almost a personal elevator pitch. However, you can step back and ask, “Why is this or that aspect even part of my story?” Your environment is so important, be aware that if you’re going back to where a trauma took place, it might take even more work. However, you can always practice limiting reactivity.  


The real work is at the bottom level. Learn to stay higher. When you get burned and feel let down or disheartened, at the family, community, or city level, please know that’s where the greatest work and growth can happen. Trust that your journey is your own, others don’t have to be on the same path / time as you. 


Today, I’m feeling healed. It’s a cold day here, but the sun is so powerful. I’m sitting in sunlight coming through a window, and letting my body warm up. This puts me back in my body quickly. If you haven’t had this experience, go ahead and sit in the sun or stand outside for a few minutes. Fresh air will help. Absorb some vitamin D from the sun, or if it’s cloudy, just feel your body shift temperature -- it will make you feel more alive, more yourself. 


Whether you’re into pilates, running, yoga, tapping, meditation, or food, I hope you discover those things that nourish you and help you reconnect to balance. You can create a revolution from within by detaching from desire and practicing discernment.  Find out who you are when you are not under the influence of our collective victimization story. 


Love, Kylie